Salaam Bombay Exploitation Essay

Please post your essay as a comment to this post. We will look over them on Monday.

Here are the components of your essay:

Parts of an essay

Attention-getter

Intro

Thesis statement

Citing Evidence (three examples from movie)

  • point

  • proof

  • comment

Restate the thesis

Conclusion

40 Comments

  1. 18kheijne says:

    Today exploitation overflows in one of the largest countries in the world. When an individual is exploited, oftentimes they receive a tiny bit of benefit. However, meanwhile the exploiter coldly uses the person for his or her own benefit. The movie Salaam Bombay is about the exploitation that occurs in one of the most populated cities in the world, Bombay, as now called Mumbai. Mira Nair explores how the poor and powerless in the Indian society suffer. The movie is full of people getting exploited and exploiting, Baba is one of the toughest blood suckers. He uses the characters in the movie in ways that serve his selfish purpose while convincing them he’s on their side.

    Chillum, the drug dealer is exploited by Baba, who makes his life depend on him because of his drug addiction while serving himself and earning money by it. Chillum can’t argue against Baba because then he would get angry and probably fire him. When Baba fires him as his drug dealer and Chillum gets a break down. A couple of hours pass by for Chillum without any drugs, he cries and ses no hope in the world which results him to jump in front of the train. Krishna grabs his raggy old cloths in the last minute, and promises to earn money and help him get well. Chillum being so addicted that he steels Krishnas saving and buys drugs. Babas exploitation results with Chillum dieing by an overdose. When Baba hired Chillum as a drug dealer there were many chances that he would become an addict. Which was good for Baba even though he didn’t care about Chillum just his profits. I think that Baba‚Äôs behaviour affect Chillums death. This is the scary thing about power, messing people life up to gain.

    The new and frightened prostitute Sweet Sixteen is also exploited by Baba. With his false and manipulative ways he shows some kind of romantic kindness to her by benefiting for himself. When Sweet Sixteen is crying of desperate hope he hugs her and says “I will take you away from her, just you and me somewhere nice‚Äù. Baba takes Sweet Sixteen to a photograph, who clicks photos of them posing and looking lovingly at each other. Making Sweet sixteen in love with him and comfortable is a thousand rupees in the pocket, just like that. I believe that Baba has exploited other girls in the same way to win profit.

    Baba the pimp and owner of the prostitutes, which one them is the mother to his daughter. Manipulates and exploits all the girls in the same way, to serve himself by earning money and using them for sexual interactions. In the movie Rekha speaks up to Baba about his promise, to start a new life somewhere far away where Manju can play. He denies it saying there is so much right now and walks away to Sweet Sixteen where he says the exact same line. He does this so the girls will feel hope and love and maybe see a bright future in front of them. In the end of the movie Rekha gets enough of it and run away. As you can see the movie Salaam Bombay that takes place in a modern society in India is full of exploitation and exploiters. This is only three people that get exploited by Baba, so he can serve his selfish purpose while convincing them he’s on their side. Exploitation often happens to the poor, who have less power. Today this is one of the biggest problems in India. The solution to this enormous problem is to treat each other equally.

    • cbrown says:

      Klara, this has a clear thesis, with relevant arguments and clear support throughout. Well done! You’re making great progress. Read this aloud and check for fragments in your sentence structure. Also, look to your classmates for ways to bring in the writing craft we’ve been discussing.

  2. 18ttanaka says:

    Walking through the room of prostitutes I murmured, “enough cards”. When ever I don‚Äôt have any chips to bet I could just sell these cards, so I could bet again. When the cards start to disappear, I could just pick a new one from the hands of this town. I‚Äôm the king, the king of casino. Everyone here obeys me, everyone here loves me, everyone here pays me tribute. I stopped walking‚Ķ It‚Äôs time to sell my card.
    The movie Salaam Bombay by Mira Nair is about the second main character called Baba, who is the owner of the prostitutes and drug dealer, exploits the them. At the same time he trick them, and at last destroy their future.
    First of all, Baba exploited Sweet Sixteen. During the movie there were several times Baba exploited Sweet Sixteen, who is a prostitute. At the beginning Baba made her in love with Baba, so she will listen to and maker her believe Baba’s action and words are correct. After this making Sweet Sixteen in to love he sent her off for her first job as a prostitute. These actions shows one of his exploitation, because he do these actions to get money. Also presumably he‚Äôs wanting lots of money he is able to get, he doesn‚Äôt give lot of benefits to Sweet Sixteen, however himself receiving lots of benefits.

    Secondly, Baba exploited Rekha. Movie showed that by getting exploited Rekha’s future has been destroyed. We could predict that Baba had been doing the same thing to her, which he did to Sweet Sixteen. Time by time Rekha start to notice that Baba was tricking her. however, because she didn’t have enough money to live with her daughter and her self, she have to live with Baba. At the same time Baba is receiving benefit like in Sweet Sixteen’s situation. These actions obviously shows exploitation, because by using exploitation he keeps Rekha into a cage. He doesn’t give enough money to Rekha, he doesn’t give freedom to Rekha, he doesn’t shows a respect to Rekha that she’s earning money. Exploitation doesn’t only take away the fairness between person and person, it take away the right to be treated as a human.

    Finally Baba exploited Chillum, the drug dealer. During the movie it showed that Baba exploiting him by letting Chillum sell drugs. The movie showed that Baba is giving drugs to Chillum, so Chillum could sell them. Baba is exploiting Chillum, because Chillum doesn’t look like he’s living in a place, who has money live. This means Baba is taking most of the benefits from Chillum, and Chillum is not getting enough benefits. However even he’s in this condition, he still is working for Baba, because Chillum is addicted to drugs.
    Since Baba is already exploiting three main characters, who are Sweet Sixteen, Rekha, and Chillum. It obviously shows that Baba is the main exploiter in this video. This article is not only to make you think, “Oh I don’t want to be this kind of person.” It’s important of course to not create this kind of person. We, ourselves don’t realise these kind of unfair treatment of people, because we feel so far, so unrealistic, so bloody world people screaming from their pain from heart. We cannot keep them at the side of our brain, the ruling of kings should be over, just take away their cards, they will fall down from their knees.

    • cbrown says:

      Taiga, you’re making amazing progress as a writer! There is so much good here, and you are working on pulling in the reader on the intro and linking it to the conclusion. You’ve supported your thesis statement throughout. Things to work on include subject/verb agreement, a more clear link between your hook and intro, and a bit more background in your intro before you give your thesis statement. Overall a most impressive piece of work…

  3. 18gjeon says:

    Exploitation

    Torn clothes, no shoes, black hands and only ten rupees. These are what we can see in the movie, Salaam Bombay. The characters are mistreated in lots of unimaginable ways, because they didn’t know any better and could not stand up for their rights. They weren’t given any education to support their struggle from the Indian society and had no quality of life to speak up. Ms. Nair who was the director of this movie described those facts by showing each situation that Krishna, the protagonist and Chillum who was a drug seller exploited except working and studying in proper condition. No skill, illiteracy, and a lack of awareness pushed them to the scourge of exploitation forever.
    There are lots of things that we must not do such as killing, cheating, lying and stealing. People who are taught the rules are literate and follow them, but the characters who were not aware of them, did whatever they wanted. It wasn’t not their cruelty, it’s the result of a lack of education. Krishna, who is the protagonist of this movie, stole Samosas while he was working. He didn’t have parents to lead him on the right path of life and any educational system wasn’t provided to raise his standard of living.
    Cheating people to earn money is a crime. People in poverty need more money and the way that have chosen is by cheating on people. It‚Äôs also the result of a lack of knowledge. Chillum ,who had sole drugs to people, met a foreigner and he sold drugs at a higher price. He also lied to Baba who ordered him to sell them, so he could get the money that he hadn‚Äôt told that to anyone. It might not change if people don’t notice that they’re doing wrong.
    Controlling oneself is also the thing that we learn from the society, like school, family and working place. But in the place where poor people find themselves full of darkness, they learn how to express their anger, grief and jealousy impulsively. Krishna killed Baba with fury that Baba sold Sweet Sixteen and the thought that he killed his friend, Chillum. It’s unbelievable that such a young child killed a man,and also how his anger was furious. The lack of education made him to commit killing, not knowing he must not kill people and the society gave him a huge hatred against their lives.
    Shortage of education brought about those serious situations and even, he couldn’t belong to the society since he had killed Baba. The fact came close that the exploitation came from a lack of education and why people couldn’t come out of it. For better life, poor people should be provided basic education at least. Then, children can get proper job not like delivering chai or selling drugs like Chillum. With the basic knowledge, people can live above the standard of live. People should learn how to fight against exploitation and should know what is right and wrong.

    • cbrown says:

      GyeongEun, your hook is a lovely list of details that effectively pulls in the reader without overdoing it. You have taken a different angle in your thesis than anyone else, which is interesting. I’m still not convinced education alone would empower them to move beyond exploitation, but it’s an interesting argument. You’ve stayed clear in arguing for that thesis throughout. You have a variety of sentence structures, and effective word choice. Keep working on articles. They remain a challenge. Well done!

  4. 18dlahori says:

    Why would an innocent child murder? What could be the reason that pushed him into this? He was a young boy in a small village, the only mistake that he did was to burn his brother’s client bicycle. Do you think this is a good reason to give your child for the circus? It all started when Baba the pimp took Sweet sixteen as a prostitute, so krishna killed him because he loved her. All of this happened because of exploitation it destroyed krishna as well as sweet sixteen. But baba isn’t the only one who exploits like the man who sells chai. Mera nair wanted to show how the people are getting exploited in india it’s like a jungle the stronger eats the weaker.

    krishna was exploited by the people he worked with and the people in the society, and it destroyed him not directly but from different ways like when chillum died and sweet sixteen turned into a prostitute. This is really common in India, many people exploited for the money.

    When Krishna went to the circus they left him when his boss sent him to buy drugs, so he just had few money. When he arrived to Bombay, he met chillum and worked for the chai man. This man exploited him because he didn’t give him all his money when he fired him. The chai man only wanted the money, that’s why he hired him in the first place because he was weaker than him. This kind of exploitation is all around India, sometimes it’s even worse because the bosses won’t give the workers any money at all.
    Then Krishna worked as a thief when he and his friends robbed an old mans house. It is wrong but you can’t blame him for doing that, because he needs the money to survive. But he also didn’t use the money to eat and shelter, he used the money to buy drugs. This happens because of the education in India. Kids aren‚Äôt educated to know what‚Äôs right from wrong, it‚Äôs also his mother’s fault that pushed him to steal because she sent him away rather than teach him that what he did was wrong.

    Baba sell sweet sixteen as a prostitute, but Krishna was in love with her. So without thinking he grabbed the knife and killed him. This happened because Krishna saw many people getting exploited by Baba so he couldn‚Äôt take it any more.But on the other side Krishna‚Äôs end wasn‚Äôt that good because he might go back to the chiller room. This shows what the exploitation doesn’t get you anywhere in life, and this is the end of it. But it also affects the exploited person because Krishna didn‚Äôt end with up a happy ending. Like Krishna many exploited people end up like these, it might be not directly but something that pushes them into these acts.

    The exploitation destroys the individual in many different ways even sometimes not directly like Krishna’s situation. It sometimes harm the society too when someone like Baba have some power over the people.

    Krishna was exploited by many people like the circus owner,and the chai seller. Baba is an exploiter to many people but he isn’t exploited. He is just a child but the exploitation pushed him to murder. It was the family’s fault and the society too because all he wanted is some love.

  5. 18yhwang says:

    In school, the bullies are the most powerful ones, while the unpopular and quiet ones are the victims most of the time. The bullies do whatever they want to the victims. Sometimes steal money, demand to make troubles, or even beat them for their own joy, and own benefit. These situations also happen in the society of India, with a different but also in some parts, similarly. In the movie “Salaam Bombay”, directed by Mira Nair, shows well how in real life, the protagonists are swayed to the antagonist. In the Indian society, there are many different people exploiting the victims for their own benefits in different ways. For example, Baba, the exploiter used each characters’ flaws, which one of them were drugs, and another was a better future.
    Chillum, the drug dealer is one of the characters who got exploited the most from Baba. He got paid and got some drugs from Baba, and sold drugs to the foreigners who came as a voyage. He had to do whatever Baba told him so he wouldn’t fire him. An example of that, was when a foreign reporter came, and Baba whipped Chillum, he wasn’t able to get angry, or scream at Baba to stop, but try to avoid the whips as much as he could. Also Chillum tried to make a secret from Baba that he sold the drug to the American 100 rupees cheaper. Which indicates that victims get scolded or have high percentage of getting fired just because they changed something slightly differently, even though they were trying to pay money as much as possible.
    Krishna, the main character, on the other hand, was not exploited to Baba like Chillum did. He was exploited from many people. He had to work all day and got a few money, the rest of the benefits went to the head of the store. For example, in the movie, Krishna had to pick off the feathers of the chickens all day long, even absenting on working in the Chai store. At the end, he only got 10 rupees. Also when Krishna worked serving food to the guests during the wedding, all he got was dinner and again about 10 rupees. This is the most common way how the feeble ones suffer exploitation. The kids or Krishna wasn’t able to protest, not with their weak power.
    Finally, Rekha, Manju’s mother, was another character who got exploited from Baba. Since she is a prostitude, she earned money by having sex with the clients. Baba wanted to have sex with Rekha so, he told sweet lies to her about having a brighter future together. She was used to baba by having sex with him. Also Baba exploited not only Rekha but other prostitudes by gaining most of the money they earned from having sex. This part really shows well how people could be exploited by lies of the bloodsuckers.
    Chillum, Krishna, and Rekha have been exploited by different ways, and for Krishna, he was exploited from many differnt people. They were exploited in different ways and people, but we could know some things common between these people. They would’ve felt irritated, and unfair. Therefore these exploitation should change into share. Getting the fair amount of benefits for each person.

    • cbrown says:

      YoungHae, you’ve worked hard to support your thesis statement and to keep the organization throughout. You’ve showed thoughtful analysis of each of your proofs. Well done. Now it’s time to work on more varied and fluent sentence structures.

  6. 18dkim says:

    Exploitation happens many times in our society around us. In India, there are lots of children working instead of going school. They earn less money per lots of working. They are exploited by the person who has the power. They do want to go to school and they do want to study. The ‘exploitation’ is the scary thing and it can destroy someone’s life badly.
    In India, many people earn their money in wrong ways. In the movie Salaam Bombay, directed by Mira Nari, shows how does the person who has power exploit mercilessly well and how does the exploitation really impact to an individual’s life. Exploitation destroys someone’s life terribly. There is a drug dealer, Chillum, whose life was totally broken by exploitation in this movie. Unsuitable and unconscious handling causes the end.
    Using violence without serious, just for fun, cannot exist longer anymore. Chillum delivered Chai when white woman visited Baba’s house. Then Baba made Chillum to jump and wield his belt to Chillum’s shin in front of the white woman. The white woman stormed out with angrily because of that violently view, but Baba didn’t know why she had gone. He did it just for fun, no reason and no purpose. Chillum really pained and probably he was really ashamed being dogged in front of someone at that time. Every people have their own feeling and thinking. Having power, doesn’t mean that allow to treat powerless people at one’s own direction.
    Firing someone as one’s pleases, is able to change someone’s lives into 180 degrees. When the white woman stormed out, Chillum giggled vindictively that he was gratified Baba made an exhibition himself. Baba became mad at Chillum and he fired him mercilessly. After that, there was nowhere to go and stay and there was no sources to get money. Baba is selfish and thinks only the profits for him. Having power doesn’t mean that it’s okay to ignore and swing to the powerless people.
    The unsuitable and unconscientious behavior of one’s selfishness profits effect to the powerless people greatly. In the movie, Chillum addict to the drugs. He worked for drug dealer and there were many chances to meet with drugs naturally. However, when Baba fired Chillum, Chillum became crazy being without drugs. Then, he took them a lot, finally, he died. Baba’s behaviour affect a lot to the Chilum’s death. He shouldn’t hire Chillum as a drug dealer. He doesn’t care Chillum and did it just for his profits. That unsuitable and unconscientious exploitation made one’s life messed up. Having power, doesn’t mean that treats others indifferently, just think only for one’s gains.
    Like this, violent exploitation impacts heavily, even further, it can face to the end. Exploitation sometimes can hurt someone, sometimes can transfer one’s life totally different. These things are usually happened by people who have power. Power doesn’t represent that bluff, fire and wield fist to the helpless people. This is the one of the biggest problem in India. The solution to reduce this problem would regard each other and look every each person with equal view.

    • cbrown says:

      DoYoung, thanks for working so hard to make us an example we could discuss earlier in the week. Your PPC is strong, and your topic sentences make it clear in each case what you’re going to argue. Your word choice shows a lot of hard work, finding just the right word. You have linked the idea of power in the conclusion to the introduction. As we discussed, your hook could be enhanced. Well done!

  7. 18kshim says:

    Glancing at urban and metropolitan cities, we can find countless number of bodies with empty heads. From those bunch of people, we can find cluster of poor meeting tragic fate. Living in the slums, instead of blooming, shrinking. Instead of evolving, narrowing. Instead of brightening, fading. Living under the shadows of the steel walls, it becomes compulsory for them to engage in gainful work. In the movie Salaam Bombay, the exploiter Baba had the capability and the intelligence to manage, dismantle and live off the exploitees like Rehka and Chillum.
    Rehka, the prostitute, who is the mother of Manju(daughter of Baba) was exploited. She was fooled by Baba and ended up having a cruel life. It was Baba’s job to keep Rehka happy because Baba had promised her that she would have a convenient life. Baba exploited her in a unique way because he didn’t employee her in a working mind but in a social way. He persuaded her that if she would be with him, she would not have to worry, but in the end, it was only beneficial for Baba, but destroyed Rehka’s life. Baba obtained the responsibility to preserve Rehka‚Äôs happiness. Considering this, one single lie can fall out to collapse someone‚Äôs life.
    Chillum was also one of Baba’s exploitees. Baba, who was the boss of the drug sellers, used Chillum to sell drugs. Chillum’s life was aborted by drugs. His fragile mind could not hold the enticement of them. He was addicted to it. Chillum turned more and more tempted to drugs meanwhile Baba made profit from it. Baba had fired Chillum impudently and left Chillum insane looking for drugs. Baba had broken down Chillums life, however he wasn’t responsible for it. Regarding to this, Baba did not care about Chillums complications made by him, indeed he blew Chillum away from his ring.
    In either of those cases, there is a common problem. They both end up effecting the society. In particular, Manju, who was sent to the prison camp,could not return home. It was mainly because of her mother’s job. However, Baba could have stood up and done something. There was a possibility that Manju would release free from prison if Baba paid. Nonetheless, Baba did not even try. In the other hand, when Baba fired, Chillum, Chillum took Krishna’s property which led to an tragic misfortune. Krishna lost hope of returning to his family. This is also a disastrous cause for Baba’s selfishness.
    Having the capability to dismantle and live off selfishly can fall out effecting disenfranchised ones. Exploiting people by lying, or taking advantage of the weakness, can end up damaging the exploitees and the surrounding society. What if the exploiters would employee people without leaving a bruise?

    • cbrown says:

      KyuWon, your use of author’s craft in the intro is effective. You’ve also worked hard on word choice. Your arguments are focused and relevant to the thesis. Well done. I suggest thinking more deeply about sentence fluency. How can you more consistently move beyond S-V-O, and how can you more effectively use transitions? Lastly, it’s time to work more on significant analysis. Well done!

  8. 18jushin says:

    There are three types of people in the world. People who don’t want to relate with others, people who get exploited by others and people who are the exploiter. Usually, people hide themselves and want to be alone after they are betrayed by others. People hope, want, expect something from others. People get hurt physically but also mentally. The movie ‚ÄòSalaam Bombay‚Äô showed about Indian‚Äôs hard life in India and rebuild the examples of exploiter and people who got exploited by others. In the movie, Krishna, who is the main character of the movie, got several physical but mostly mentally hurt. Selfish Baba, who is Manju‚Äôs father, and Sweet Sixteen, who is Krishna‚Äôs love, used Krishna for their own good. The exploitation of Krishna by them had left a deep scar inside young Kreart.
    People shouldn’t play with someone’s feeling of love, because they are serious about it, and it could hurt someone’s heart. In ‘Salaam Bombay’, Krishna loveishna’s hd Sweet Sixteen. He cared about her the most when she first came, and he even give her a chick to calm her down. Sweet Sixteen looked like she also like him and slowly opened her mind and they tried to run away together. Krishna was brave enough to fire the bed for her and he did everything that could help her. However, Sweet Sixteen turned over him because of Baba’s money, forgot about everything that Krishna worked for her. I could say she betrayed him for her own good, better life. On the way Krishna helped her getting out, he got caught by a man and he got beat from others. Here, he got physically harmed, but he got emotionally harmed when Sweet Sixteen betrayed him. Against or playing with other one’s feeling could mark a huge scar on someone’s heart.
    Touch near by someone could make someone jealous, angry, worry, etc. Baba didn’t exploit Krishna directly. He exploited him by touch people near him which made Krishna kill him. In the movie, Baba exploited Chillum, Sweet Sixteen, Manju, etc. Chillum, who was Krishna’s best friend and who helped him a lot, died because of drug addiction. Chillum addicted to drug because of Baba because he told him to sell drug and didn’t check the exact money he sold. He should have tell him how drug is bad to him. Baba exploited Krishna especially by make Sweet Sixteen loved him and betraying Krishna. That damaged a lot in Krishna’s heart and made him feel afflict. In the real world, people can get hurt by anything that you blurt out without thinking it. People should rethink what are they going to say and it is right to say.
    In human society, there are some people who trick others and steal money. In the movie, Chillum told Krishna to save his money inside of a hole in a brick wall. He seemed believable and friendly to him and cared him a lot. He looked he would never use or tell to others because he was the one who understand the situation of Krishna the most. Drug, that ruined and changed Chillum. Krishna lost a chance of going back home because of Chillum’s one mistake. In the society, some people do small bad things and think it doesn‚Äôt matter, but it sometimes change someone‚Äôs life and destiny.
    Liar Baba, selfish Sweet Sixteen and drug addicted Chillum ruined Krishna’s life. By them, he had lost his childlike nature and his heart broke into pieces. People shouldn’t play with someone’s feeling of love, against someone for their own good and should rethink what are they going to say and it is right to say. People’s love, and care is light to others.

    • cbrown says:

      JunOh, your writing continues to improve substantially, and I love the use of adjectives in a list in the first sentence of your conclusion. You’re organized and clearly support each of your points. You make relevant comments. You are focused and organized. Well done. Remember to stay in the third person in a formal essay. You haven’t convinced me Sweet Sixteen betrayed Krishna, but you’ve certainly tried to do so with evidence. Your verb conjugations continue to need correction in some cases. Well done…

  9. 18kkoh says:

    Kun’s Exploitation Essay

    Did you ever know that there are exploiters all over the world? Here, in India, exploitation happens frequently, even on the streets. The movie ‚ÄúSalaam Bombay‚Äù that Ms.Nair directed, clearly shows instances of exploitation. Exploitation is the self-motivated for profit that isn’t given the equal quantity. It is important because people live without knowing it. The antagonist, Baba exploited the victims and, he took the lives of victims like a robber. Exploitation steals the life of people, Krishna and others. In the Indian society, exploiters use Krishna for their own profit and worthy.

    Exploitation must be removed in this world and here are some instances for why. Chillum who is addicted smoking drugs in the movie, is left to be a street beggar because of the exploitation. However, there was a time when Chillum had done profiteering. Chillum and Krishna wandered nearby the Taj Mahal, met an American, and sold drugs in doubled price. He enjoyed exploiting somebody because he got more worthy than the American. The antagonist, Baba handed over the drugs to Chillum to sell them, however Chillum abused them all and got a overdose. This situation can refer to the exploitation because if there weren’t Baba, Chillum wouldn’t get a chance of drugs. The profit for Baba might be making a person addicted to drugs. Eventually, he created a death of Chillum. Exploitation is a scary thing because it drives a person to death. If this ought to happen in the world, there would be a huge discrimination between exploiter and victim.

    In India, there are many prostitutes, who sell their bodies for money, sometimes they get exploited. A prostitute, Rekha who also lived as the Baba’s mistress, is also a victim of exploitation. After her daughter, Manju, was taken to the reformatory, Baba and Rekha tried to get her back. However, the manager refused and suggested her to let Manju to be adopted from a favorable family. Why the manager said so is that Rekha lived as a prostitute, so she thought that it is too dangerous and arduous for a child. This situation also refers to the exploitation because Rekha could have a child with Baba, but he destroyed her life for being a prostitute. Some people also had exploited Rekha, when men bought her body, Rekha earned money and lost her life coincidentally. Earning money in India, is really harsh, tough, unsettled, and arduous.

    As the person is younger, the exploiter is cushy to exploit him. Even the protagonist, Krishna, was exploited in the movie. In the beginning of the movie, the circus master gave money to Krishna for some paans. When he came back, the circus troupe left him. Giving money to Krishna and abandoning him, this situation is one of exploitation. After Krishna bought the paans and got the exchange, he was supposed to give those to the circus master, though he just abandoned Krishna. Therefore, the exchange became his automatically. After Krishna and his friends worked for wedding, they received the money from the manager, but it was only about 20 rupees. Making them work for about two hours and giving 20 rupees for each? This is the exploitation. If people would get addicted or poisoned in exploitation, they would make a lot of human labors in the world.

    Like instances above, the exploitation steals the life of people mercilessly and unconsciously. There’re some people who counterattack and are vindictive against exploiters. Sometimes, they killed them as Krishna killed Baba. The settlement of the exploitation might be difficult because we don’t know where it occurs. Even though we have that kind of problem, we should no, we must make attempts to stop the exploitation.

    • cbrown says:

      Kun, you’re making excellent progress as a writer! The clarity of your thoughts, the organization of the ideas, the use of evidence, the sentence fluency and word choice… all have improved substantially. You have attempted to end the essay with thoughts about what’s significant about these ideas. You can feel most proud. I suggest looking at the hooks of others to get ideas for how to be more compelling. Remember to look through the transition options I’ve given you and consider how to use them in your writing. Well done!

  10. 18skwon says:

    Salaam Bombay Essay

    Cinderella, who overworks because of blood-minded stepmother and self-seeking stepsisters, doesn’t get any money from her new family. She barely can have meals in a little attic. Muscle pain throughout whole body, makes their brow furrowed with lots of agony. What‚Äôs all these pains for? In the movie Salaam Bombay by Mira Nair, explores how the exploitation happens between rich and poor in Indian society, which gives pain and agony. This movie displays Sweet Sixteen, as a symbol of the major victim by exploitation in Indian society.
    First, the most of them forcibly work for money. In the beginning of this movie, when she came to the prostitute building for the first time, she didn’t know that she is going to work in that building. After she knew the truth, she cried and the other prostitute forced her to wear gaudy clothes. Many poor orphans would work forcibly in Indian Society. Even if they have parents, most of their parents need money, so they would let their children to work forcibly by swindlers just like sweet sixteen‚Äôs case.
    Secondly, they always deceived by the strong. Sweet Sixteen started to work in the building when Baba swindled her. He always promise every prostitutes’ future, but actually he exploit them for money. Most of the young prostitutes in Indian society probably don’t know how dangerous work it is, because they are not educated. Therefore, I would say that deceiving by the strong is very common thing in Indian society.
    Finally, they receive a pittance compared to the amount of their work. In the movie Salaam Bombay, Sweet Sixteen stays in the prostitute building because of Baba, not because of money. Baba knows this fact, so he doesn’t give her much money for her work. This is also a commonplace affair in Indian society. The movie Salaam Bombay portrayed the exploitation in the whole Indian community by using characters’ developments especially Sweet Sixteen.
    Cinderella and Sweet Sixteen, exploited by community no matter how big it is. Spend the most time for labor, with small sums. Looking wider perspective, the exploitation always happens in the whole world, and especially in India, as the movie showed.

    • cbrown says:

      Wow, SuMin, you’re really improving as a writer! This is organized, well-defended, and includes analysis that moves beyond just the characters in the movie. You’ve linked your conclusion to your introduction and you’ve worked hard on word choice. I suggest in the intro the link between Cinderella and Sweet Sixteen needs to be a bit more clear. Sometimes in general you could more clearly develop your proof, and make a clearer transition between that proof and your analysis. Nice job!

  11. 18hgoo says:

    Some of the Indian population were borned with poverty or no parents. Therefore for them, going to a school and getting an education are unaccustomed works. They usually go out for a job to earn money, even though, their money would be deprived by demons, which we call ‘exploiters’. In ‘Salaam Bombay’, a bollywood movie directed by Mira Nair, contains about cruel, arbitrary relationship of dominant and subordinate in the Indian society, and the main-character, Krishna, is also exploited by the Chai-shop-owner. Every person, who is in a place of exploiter, treats their worker unfairly and mercilessly. In addition, the employees get lower and poorer reception than a pig and a dog.
    Slavery was finished by the 16th American President, Abraham Lincoln, and even korean elementary school’s textbook about morality says, ‘every people is equal and we have to respect one’s personality’. On the contrary, every employer in the movie forced the workers like a monkey in a circus troupe to do something for their own benefits, though, it was such a silly and stupid thing. Though, the white journalist woman didn’t know Baba’s real mind, when she came to him, he informed himself like Mother Teresa, so she started to think he’s such a gentle, friendly man. However, her judgement changed when Baba hit and made Chillum, who is a friend of Krishna and Baba’s worker, to jump while he was holding more than two cups of chai. The lady’s illusion toward Baba broke, and his behavior terrified her a lot. Uneducated children were more tender and kind-hearted than the educated people. Chillum could also complain about making fun of him, but he didn’t because he just didn’t want to lose his financial support and drugs.
    The exploiters also knew how the job is important to the workers, but they indiscriminately fired them depends on their feeling and whenever they wanted. As mentioned above, after the white journalist woman ran away, Baba couldn’t calm himself down, so he vented his spleen on Chillum by stroking him with his belt and bombered rough words. Again, he couldn’t win his anger, so he fired Chillum from selling the drugs. By asserting a plausible excuse, which sounded more like a complaint, Baba said, ‘I already knew you cost more money to sell drug than it has to be, so you can buy some for yourself’, thus it could sound like he overlooked though he noticed Chillum’s fraud. It was all true that Chillum committed illegal acts, but finally, his impulse and anger leaded to Chillum’s death.
    Like a hearing-impaired person, every exploiter closed their ears from the workers. They just continued what their doing and satisfied their wants. Also, they even didn’t care of the worker’s feeling and played with it for their own benefits. For example, when Sweet Sixteen broke Krishna’s chai glass, the chai shop owner mercilessly took some of his salary away. Of course it was a reasonable punishment, but it was very cruel to a boy who gets less than 30 rupees per day and desperately needs 500 rupees to go back to his family. Similarly for Sweet Sixteen, who truly loved Baba but was betrayed by her believed love. Baba got order to make her feel comfortable and to make her a perfect prostitute, so he chased Sweet Sixteen with his honey-trap, but finally she was sold to another pimp. Thus, nothing left but only Sweet Sixteen’s mind was exploited by Baba. He was such an amazing mind-controller, but it sounded like people, like Baba, would even sell their own country if there is a huge beneficial thing comes back to them.
    Exploitation wouldn’t just finish with firing people with their personal feeling, slighting the workers and not listening to their employees. Someday, somehow, it will drive to more than 100,000,000 people’s death and will go round and round countlessly until our next, next and more generations.

    • cbrown says:

      HyoJeong, this looks like a great deal of work went into this! You have worked hard on word choice, and are attempting to explore very complex thoughts. I loved the part about slavery, with the analogy about monkey troupes. Indeed there’s more than one analogy in here. You’ve pushed yourself to explain these ideas in a unique and thoughtful way. You’ve used alliteration and repetition in the last sentence to bring home your point. Before writing the POP paper I would like to see you come to period 9 for targeted work on sentence structure and comma usage. You’re experimenting with using these complex structures, and well you should, but you need some mentoring on this. Super job!

  12. 18jeylee says:

    What can be the hardest things for poor people or beggars? Money? It could be. However, exploitation is more awful and worst things to do as human beings. Exploitation is not simply making people poor and suffer. It can destroy people’s whole lives, minds, and hopes. In the movie Salaam Bombay, there are many characters who were exploited by individuals and Indian society. The protagonist, Krishna was a young teenage boy. He wanted to go back home and see his mother again, but no one and society ever believed him. At the end, it carried him to murder. His mind and future as a teenager was completely destroyed. Not only Krishna, other characters were also being exploited by both Indian society and individuals and it destroyed their future. Exploiters are always use people by unfair way which is making hard to others.
    In one movie, There are many exploitation that gave a huge impact to Krishna. The situation could not be worser than him. He was suffered and exploited physically and mentally.
    The situation and condition of lower class people is worst in India and it is well described in the movie Salaam Bombay. The circus man was the first exploiter who exploits Krishna. He made Krishna work hard in the circus. The place Krishna worked on was dirty and stinky place. However, the circus man left Krishna while Krishna was gone for another task. Krishna was lost that he had to go Mumbai for money. The circus man just used Krishna for their greed, because Krishna was cheaper than other man, but he just left him without telling him. The circus man must have been hateful to give the small, small amount of money or morsel of food which is so cruel to this young boy. Krishna didn’t give up after he realized that they left him, but he also thought ‘What should I do?’ or ‘Why?’ and feeling lonely in desperate conditoin he met.
    As another example, Chillum was drug dealer who was under Baba. He was a friend of Krishna, but also another exploiter. Chillum showed Krishna a space between bricks for storing money, because the space was secret except for Krishna and Chillum. Krishna stored money he earned from working in the space behind the bricks. Then, Chillum stole money in the empty bricks. The money was valuable for Krishna, because he had to go back to see his mother that he worked hard, but he stole the opportunity and his hope. Krishna was not able to earn much as a young child who was exploited by many people like a owner of shop. Krishna must be feeling endless anger to Chillum and collapse his eager and hope. The important thing is that he stole money from Krishna even though they were very close each other. He was hypocritical to make Krishna satisfied for money. As the result, Krishna had to suffer mentally and physically.
    Sweet Sixteen and Babagave Krishna a huge impact in mental part. Krishna was fall in love with Sweet Sixteen who was prostitute that he tried to escape with her and he cares her a lot. However, Baba was interested in Sweet Sixteen that she doesn’t even care about Krishna. Krishna did care her a lot by trying to give her snacks, attempts to escape, run away from the life of prostitute, but Sweet Sixteen just throw Krishna away when Baba gave her interest. This might not look like exploitation, but it is actually. Sweet Sixteen was mentally exploit Krishna. Baba didn’t exploit Krishna directly, but he abused Chillum and leave him to death. Losing beloved one and friend is the huge part of mental that Krishna’s brain and mind was mixed up.
    The movie, Salaam Bombay might be fictional for many parts, but the base is made by the real life in India. The feelings and emotional part is well described in every single character, not dividing into good or bad. The back side of India, there are many exploiters who is exploiting poor and weak people. The teenagers in my age talk like adults and think like adults. Nothing can be worse than their hard life by exploitation. The exploitation in the behind scene, the shadowy part in India is trememdously, extremely serious, leading young children in wrong ways.

    • cbrown says:

      JeYoung, this shows a lot of hard work. Your introduction flows nicely from the hook to the background to the thesis. You have three clear PPC paragraphs, and your conclusion is clear and sums up what you believe to be important about this idea. You have variety in your sentence structure. I can tell you’re using what we’ve learned in this regard. The analysis in the paragraph about Chillum is particularly well done. I don’t see a topic sentence/ point for the paragraph that begins “In another example…” Also, come see me about using transitions among sentences more successfully and consistently. Well done!

  13. 18hlim says:

    Hyungmin Lim essay

    Do you know how many people are living in poverty in India? The UN reports that in 2013, one third of the poor live in India. However, it’s not only living in poverty. They get many other problems too, and the movie, Salaam Bombay argues that people who are getting exploited live under dehumanization, poverty, and they are so dependent to their exploiter. as Chillum was in the movie, Salaam Bombay.
    Firstly, Mira Nair explored that the people who are getting exploited live in dehumanization of their boss. In the movie, Chillum was treated like an animal by Baba. As an example, when the foreign journalist came to interview Baba, he tried to hurt Chillum like some kind of a circus which could be dangerous for Chillum, because he had around 6 cups of hot tea in his hands and also the belt, which Baba used to hit Chillum, had a metal end. This can prove that exploiter doesn’t treat their workers as humans, but a machine for their benefit. This kind of act only existed in the generations which had slave system in their country. Therefore, it looks like people had became the slave of money.
    Next, the movie director demonstrates that poor people become so dependent on their master after the contract has been made. In the movie, Chillum was selling drugs to earn money, but he was receiving drugs from Baba. Therefore, he didn’t have any way to take his profit to keep his living. However, it’s not only problem in relationship of seller and supplier, but also a relationship of the boss and the workers. After Chillum laughed at Baba, he fired Chillum without any logical reason. I think people who are getting exploited doesn’t have any future plan to earn money, because often times they were the people on the streets without anything to do, so this made poor people to have difficult time with finding a job after he/she is fired.
    Finally, the movie, Salaam bombay tries to point out that individuals under the net of exploitation can’t escape from their poverty unlike what they wanted. As an example, in the movie Salaam Bombay, Chillum only wore same clothes, which meant he didn’t have enough money to pay for new shirts. This describes that people who are getting exploited still live in poverty as they did in the past. Even though they are busy for working, bosses give same amount of salary as they promised at first or even less than the contracts say. In addition, in the system of multi-level marketing, usually people lose their money because of unachievable contracts with their boss.
    Relating back to the poor people in India, there are lots of people who are living with less than 1.25 dollars per a day. Some people think they don’t work hard, but they do as most of people does, but exploitation is an unfair deal to the poor people. As a summary, exploitation has many negative effects such as dehumanization, poverty, and getting dependent on their exploiter as Mira Nair described in the movie, so they should forbid the exploitation in India.

    • cbrown says:

      HyungMin, you’ve put forward an organized essay, that argues each point clearly with PPC. Furthermore, it’s far and away the best use of articles I’ve seen in your writing, and in general the grammar is improved. You’ve also worked to utilize transition words within sentences as well as to organize paragraphs. My suggestion is that you look over some of the other essays, and most particularly the hooks and conclusions to get ideas on how to be more compelling and creative in these important sections. Well done!

  14. 18seekim says:

    “It’s Baba’s promise!” The promise that is unobserved. The movie ‘Salaam Bombay’, filmed by Mira Nair, describes how the Indian society works under the word “exploitation” and how people ruined their lives with it, and each other. The exploiter, Baba exploited many characters through the movie and destroyed them while they think they are got at least little bit of benefits.
    Using people’s sincerity for one’s own selfishness and fool them cannot be forgiven. In the movie, he says “I will get you free soon, in the future.” And It’s a lie because he had done same promise to Rekha, who’s another prostitute, and did not keep it. Sweet Sixteen might felt hopeful for Baba’s false promise and full of happiness that comes from the though ‘Baba is loving her’. Giving week a falsehood belief and exploiting them, is not just exploiting them, but ignoring their true heart.
    The fact that someone has higher income than others and has better condition of living, cannot be the reason for disregarding and exploiting weak. Baba let Chillum sell the drugs and get some money for Chillum’s own drugs, too. Then Baba threw away Chillum after Baba decided he was useless, and never looked back. In the movie, there is the scene that Chillum cling to Baba‚Äôs sleeve and begging for mercy but Baba shook himself free from pitiful Chillum and threw some coins at him. At that moment, Baba might had think that he is better than Chillum and he‚Äôs okay to belittle him. In the other hand, Chillum might felt hopeless, and even had a thought of committing suicide, because the last ray of hope had disappeared. Judging, belittle people by their fortune and treat people with a sneer is an unethical conduct that nibble away one‚Äôs life.
    Holding a sword over a person’s head and swing a person around as the person who have one´s weakness seized upon wanted is brutal and nasty. In the movie, Baba knows Rekha, the prostitute, has the weak point and that’s Manju, her daughter. Baba kind of used that for tie her up in the prostitute zone. Rekha might have thought that if she leave Baba and start a new life, it will harm Manju. She can’t afford money, and Manju is already experienced Baba’s violence and prostitute’s life. Because Baba kind of knew that, he was able to wheedle Rekha. Seize one’s weakness and swing them around makes the one miserly, powerless, and will-less.
    The exploitation ruins several lives and destruct their wills and powers. It sometimes be accompanied with disregard of the true heart and giving fabrication beliefs. Sometimes comes from judging and belittle people by their finances, and nibble away the people who is being exploited. It also can make them feeble. So the exploitation in the world should be all disappear. The unfair extortion will destroy each other, the world need to change into the society that everyone is being treated as one equal individual and the people with the higher status than other people should try to be in a harmony with poors also.

    • cbrown says:

      SeEun, you’ve clearly worked very hard on this. The essay is well-organized, and in each case you have a solid point, proof, and comment. The hook pulls the reader right in and makes one wonder. Well done. Sentence structure is often wandering and confusing, and you have a number of grammar errors in a range of areas. Lastly, you are almost over-using the thesaurus, making it sound stilted and pedantic at times. I think these issues would be a great reason to go to period 9 once or twice, and show this comment to the teacher. It would really help you in these areas. Overall very nice job!

  15. 18asvendsen says:

    How can someone lie to an innocent person, only for his own good? How can someone be so careless, heartless, and destroy others life, when the other just trust him? Exploitation is being used by the people having power, making it even worse for the victims because they don‚Äôt have the strength or the power to fight it back. Or, in other cases, people think that the exploiters are right, and they believe them. They don‚Äôt know that they are being exploited, because the exploiters are so convincing. Krishna is the protagonist in Mira Nair’s movie, Salaam Bombay. The movie effectively takes the viewer inside the nightmare of exploitation through the characters of Krishna, Chillum and Baba. Exploitation is a destroying force, ending with destruction of peoples life.
    Trust is one of the things that will be destroyed most when the victims get exploited. The victims will never trust anyone, no matter how good their relationship is with another person, if they had a bad experience about trust. Some people just pretend like they are the victims friend, just so they can feel good. One of them, in the movie, was Chillum. He exploited Krishna. They were good friends, they laughed and had fun, and Krishna liked him. Chillum was addicted to drugs, and he was very often depressed. Krishna helped him as much as he could. He even saved him from doing suicide. Chillum had shown Krishna a place where Krishna could hide all his money. Krishna believed him, of course. He thought it was a good idea, so nobody would take them. The money was very important to him. One day, chillum was really sick. He died. After that, Krishna saw that all his money was gone. They were not in the hiding place! Then Krishna realized that Chillum died because he had an overdose. He took Krishnas money and bought the drugs. Again, it was Chillum who showed Krishna where to hide the money. He just exploited Krishna, so he could take them. He was only friends with Krishna because he knew that Krishna had some money. He exploited Krishna, and took his money. Treating other with disrespect is the meanest thing people can do. Trust is very important in life, and if the victims get exploited, they will maybe never be able to trust anyone again, so they can’t have close relationships, and will feel lonely.
    Exploiters is very often good at convincing people. They lie to the victims, so that the victims will do anything for them, while they don’t know that they are being exploited. An example of that in the movie, is Baba. He exploited all the women who works for him. He come to them in their village and say that they should come with him, so they can get a job, and a good place to live, and good money, and that everythings is good with him. Most of them will say yes, because they need money, and they probably like Baba, and believe that they will get a better life with him, because he is convincing. He takes them to his place, and he makes them prostitutes. He keep saying that one day, when they have worked, he will give them a lot of money, but he is just exploiting them, and all the time they trust him. They believe that they will get paid well, but all the time Baba is just lying to them, only so he can get the money. Exploiters convince the victims, so they will work for them, and again, they don’t care about how the victims feel. All these lies, will make the victims very weak, because all that time they spend on working was nothing worth. They will maybe never work again, because they might think that all they do is meaningless.
    Power does also play a really big role in exploitation. The people with the most power can force the weaker people or the lower ranked, to do things and getting nothing back. An example of that in the movie, was when Krishna worked in a circus. Krishna worked very hard every day, and he believed that he would earn the 500 rupees so he could go home, but the boss in the circus only gave him very little money. Krishna begged for more, but the boss did not care about him. In his eyes, Krishna was only a worker, so he did not deserve so much as him, even though Krishna worked harder. It should not matter how high ranked someone are. Everyone should be treated equal, and there should be no unfair wages.
    Exploitation can destroy people so bad, that their life will never be the same. Exploitation is unfortunately common, not only in India, but everywhere in the world. It is a problem that should be taken very seriously. Everyone is equal, and no one deserve to be exploited. Exploitation is very often the starting points of stress and depression, and many victims end up with very bad results, like suicide or cuts in their skin. There are many ways of exploitation, and all of them affects people’s life in a bad way. Many of the victims are young, and exploitation will affect their life forever, so that is why exploitation has to be stopped as early as possible. This is the main message of the movie and an important conclusion for the audience.

    • cbrown says:

      Anne, you have made such tremendous progress in your writing this year! It is most impressive. You have started with a compelling hook, the thesis is skillfully worded, the PPC solid throughout. The conclusion is repetitive and too general. It needs to start with a closer link to the arguments and thesis you’ve put forward earlier. In some places I think, if you read it aloud, you find some of the sentences could be tighter. Overall a most amazing piece of work. Well done!

  16. 18ssavi says:

    Dharavi’s unferness

    Since ever expoitation of people by other people exist and unfortunately this is still valide today in India. To survive, most of the poor people in all castes and communities have a large number of children. It becomes rather obligatory for them to engage themselves in some remunerative work. Usually child from four to twelve years old work in roadside restaurants and tea stalls. Unfortunatly the exploited people have no other choice to survive in this dreadful world.

    In the movie Salaam Bombay, by Mira Nari, the expoiters earn money through a wretched way as it happens in the real world too. They show clearly the feeling of the exploited and the fear in their eyes. There is Krishna, the protagonist. Strong, intelligent and brave are the words to describe him. Despite his hard work at the circus, he gets fired in a way very difficult to support. There is also this drugs dealer, Chillum, his best friend who got a life totally broken, because of the exploitation in that movie, it was like a candle and the flame was slowly extinguished. The expoiters Baba was so wicked that he was making fun by using violence without reasons and serious. But he also used the kindness at the beginning to cheat people like the prostitute sweet sixteen. He thinks that he has power and kindness but that doesn’t mean he can treat powerless people just for his own benefits.Treating other powerless mean that there are the weak, treating other by abuse mean that there are the wrong but what if one day they will be the exploited. They will just learn that during their life, they made an awful choice. When the white woman came, Chillum served the tea with a little chuckling then Baba became mad. However, you can be powerful but ignorant as Baba was not able to express him in English and was dependant from the translator. At the end, by pitiless he made him suffer and kill Chillum, by not helping him.

    A long time ago the British went to India by primarily interest was to promote their Industry and commerce. Indian economy suffered a great set-back during the British rule on account of the Industrial Revolution in Britain. India played the role of a supplier of raw materials for the British Empire and market for the British finished goods. And nowadays the impact is still there, even if the British colonies have been stopped 60 years agos, the bad habits of exploitation are still there. We can hope that this country will continue to develop to give fairly paid work to all Indians and to stop all kind of exploitation.

  17. 18droo says:

    We all know Cinderella story. If you look another way of Cinderella, she was exploited by her stepmother and sister. She worked all day at house, and what she got was a small pieces of foods. But as you know the ending of this story, Cinderella finally get out of her house, and she lived with the prince happily.
    Salaam Bombay is a movie directed by Mira Nair. This movie is about India’s street life, and the characters live on the street. Krishna was a main character, he had to collect five hundred rupees to go home. He had many experience in his street life. It was tough to survive. Once he went to the jail, he escaped from there, and he even killed Baba. What made him do these? He was only teenager.
    Exploitation, Indian society and money destroyed Krishna’s childhood. Krishna might had been born in the normal house like a normal boy. But the exploitation, Indian society and money made his wonderful life terribly.
    He was a teenager. He could go to school, he could get love from his family, he could play and talk what his age boys are usually play and talk, not playing with drugs and not talking about prostitutes. If he had been born in another country. He needed love. He wanted to go back to his family. But money alienated him from his family. Once he wrote the letter to his family. He wrote he was fine and he was going to get five hundreds rupees. But the letter writer didn’t send that to his family. They didn’t believe him. Exploitation for money doesn’t mean money is better than love and being human being.
    Indian society has no rules, and no laws. Krishna was exploited by Indian Society. He didn’t do anything, but the police caught him and sent him to the jail. He didn’t know what he did wrong. He met many people in the jail and there was a boy who stayed at the jail for a long time and he couldn’t tell what he did wrong. The rules and the laws are not to punish people. There are rules and the laws to protect the powerless people from the rough reality.
    Exploitation ended with Baba’s death. Krishna killed Baba. Baba didn’t exploit Krishna directly but what made him kill Baba?, there might be another way to run away. What made him think if he didn’t kill Baba, Baba will show up later, or Baba will scare them? Baba exploited many people. Sweet sixteen, Rekha, Chillum, and so on, were exploited by Baba. He was so mean that he had to get what he want. He used Sweet sixteen for a better prostitute. Krishna liked her but when he saw Rekha with Baba, he said Sweet sixteen was just a girl and he took a kind of wedding photo just for work. The obvious reason Krishna killed Baba was he play with her as a doll. Exploitation from one’s selfishness, doesn’t make a happy ending. When the exploiter knows what he or she did wrong, apologize, and a person, who was exploited, forgive them, that is a happy ending and that makes everybody feel comfortable themselves.
    Unlike Cinderella, the exploiter’s death didn’t make Krishna happy. He cried. A teenage boy had too much work to do, too much things happening badly around him. He wasn’t excited about Baba’s death because Indian society haven’t changed yet, there would be another exploiter like Baba, there wouldn’t be love from his family. Nobody with street life will happy until Indian society changes, there is no exploiter, and until they get love.

    • cbrown says:

      Dayeon, what a strong essay! You have pulled together so much of what we are learning. The organization is excellent, word choice is varied and sophisticated, PPC throughout is tight, and the conclusion links beautifully to the intro. Wow! The last of your three arguments is a bit more unclear in terms of how it relates to your thesis statement. I suggest the order you list the issues in your thesis statement be mirrored in the order of the three paragraphs of support. See me if you have questions about this suggestion. You also have some sentences that ramble, and some misplaced commas. Furthermore an area of growth for you is to include more transitions between sentences. We want subtle, varied ones. Well done!

  18. 18jushin says:

    There are three types of people in the world. People who don’t want to relate with others, people who get exploited by others and people who are the exploiter. Usually, people hide themselves and want to be alone after they are betrayed by others. People hope, want, expect something from others. People get hurt physically but also mentally. The movie ‚ÄòSalaam Bombay‚Äô showed about Indian‚Äôs hard life in India and rebuild the examples of exploiter and people who got exploited by others. In the movie, Krishna, who is the main character of the movie, got several physical but mostly mentally hurt. Selfish Baba, who is Manju‚Äôs father, and Sweet Sixteen, who is Krishna‚Äôs love, used Krishna for their own good. The exploitation of Krishna by them had left a deep scar inside young Krishna’s heart.
    People shouldn’t play with someone’s feeling of love, because they are serious about it, and it could hurt someone’s heart. In ‘Salaam Bombay’, Krishna loved Sweet Sixteen. He cared about her the most when she first came, and he even give her a chick to calm her down. Sweet Sixteen looked like she also like him and slowly opened her mind and they tried to run away together. Krishna was brave enough to fire the bed for her and he did everything that could help her. However, Sweet Sixteen turned over him because of Baba’s money, forgot about everything that Krishna worked for her. I could say she betrayed him for her own good, better life. On the way Krishna helped her getting out, he got caught by a man and he got beat from others. Here, he got physically harmed, but he got emotionally harmed when Sweet Sixteen betrayed him. Against or playing with other one’s feeling could mark a huge scar on someone’s heart.
    Touch near by someone could make someone jealous, angry, worry, etc. Baba didn’t exploit Krishna directly. He exploited him by touch people near him which made Krishna kill him. In the movie, Baba exploited Chillum, Sweet Sixteen, Manju, etc. Chillum, who was Krishna’s best friend and who helped him a lot, died because of drug addiction. Chillum addicted to drug because of Baba because he told him to sell drug and didn’t check the exact money he sold. He should have tell him how drug is bad to him. Baba exploited Krishna especially by make Sweet Sixteen betraying Krishna. That damaged a lot in Krishna’s heart and made him feel afflict. In the real world, people can get hurt by anything that you blurt out without thinking it. People should rethink what are they going to say and it is right to say.
    In human society, there are some people who trick others and steal money. In the movie, Chillum told Krishna to save his money inside of a hole in a brick wall. He seemed believable and friendly to him and cared him a lot. He looked he would never use or tell to others because he was the one who understand the situation of Krishna the most. Drug, that ruined and changed Chillum. Krishna lost a chance of going back home because of Chillum’s one mistake. In the society, some people do small bad things and think it doesn‚Äôt matter, but it sometimes change someone‚Äôs life and destiny.
    Liar Baba, selfish Sweet Sixteen and drug addicted Chillum ruined Krishna’s life. By them, he had lost his childlike nature and his heart broke into pieces. People shouldn’t play with someone’s feeling of love, against someone for their own good and should rethink what are they going to say and it is right to say. People’s love, and care is light to others.

  19. 18jyoo says:

    Jaehwan

    I feel thankful about myself and my parents because unlike others who are very poor and have no opportunity, no one looks down on me. Also, I have enough opportunity to compete with other people around my age, and I have a dream. If I don’t want? Then I can change it and design my future again. I am the same as others and was born with a right which protects me against other’s thornlike eyes. Perfectly protected by a barrier called ‘human rights’. Unacceptance made differentiation made prejudice, prejudice made the present. Salaam Bombay, the movie which is about Indian society and exploitation directed by Mira Nair. Thoughtless and self centered behavior kill or make the society sick.

    Must not use a person only for one’s benefit. When Baba lied to Rekha, he said that he was going to let her free, but he didn’t, which was on his purpose to make money and satisfy his sexual desires. It‚Äôs because, if Baba really loved Rekha, he would sincerely love her daughter, but he just let her daughter to sleep on the street. People must think how others would feel and think. No one deserves to be by others and should respect people as a human being, because we are all the same. Not thinking about our own benefit first, we should think what would be changed and how by gaining that benefit.

    Being inhumane and impatient is not a duty as a human being. Baba fired Chillum because he sold a drug to one of the prostitute, which was not allowed. He could give him one more chance by warning him because he was on the higher position than Chillum. As there is proverb “The boughs that bear most hang lowest”, if one’s on a high position, the person should be tolerant and able to lead people in a right way without losing his or her first intention. By only changing ourselves, not only our society, but also the world can be changed. Sitting on a high position doesn’t mean that person can use the power whatever he or she wants. The position means duty and responsibility.

    We often judge a person by ourselves, which is totally wrong. After Manju was taken to chiller room, Rekha, who is Manju’s mother went to take her back, but she couldn’t because of the manager of chiller room who didn’t trust Rekha. The reason why the manager didn’t believe her is because her job was unacceptable to take her daughter back. However, that doesn’t mean that she is a bad person. That’s just one’s inference, which can ruin other’s life and make them feel guilty. This is wrong because we don’t have a right to criticize others.

    In human society, there are so many exploitation cases, which are made by us. We should accept our fault without rejecting it now. We can’t banish all the exploitation, but we can decrease by changing ourselves first. Let’s imagine. What if Baba didn’t fire Chillum? What if Sweet Sixteen was not sent from her village only for their benefit? What if Baba didn’t lie to Sweet Sixteen and Rekha? They would not be a rich, but at least they would have more chances to smile. Thoughtless and self centered behavior not only kill the society, but also people.
    Our society is on our hands. If we teach right things to our descendants by practicing them, then they will also do the right things, but if we don’t they will not going to do as well. It’s simple as this, but hard to practice because of one’s greed. However, if we banish a devil inside our mind, we can fill the empty part with ‘respect’.

    • cbrown says:

      Jaehwan this is outstanding! I am amazed at your growth in writing. You have shown such perseverance and dedication to your craft this year. Your organization is most solid. The PPC is tight. Word choice is powerful. I love the use of questions in the conclusion as a way to review your proof. What a thought-provoking sentence: “Unacceptance made differentiation made prejudice, prejudice made the present.” So well done. I’m noticing subject/verb agreement remains a problem in your grammar. Furthermore in some cases your sentences ramble or have misplaced commas. More transitions among ideas would be helpful as well. Overall a most impressive piece of work!

  20. cbrown says:

    Sebastien, you’ve worked hard on this. Your word choice is interesting and varied. You have many well-structured sentences. You have a clear introduction and conclusion. What’s not as clear to me is exactly what you’re arguing here. Please come talk to be about this. Are you discussing how people earn money? We need to go over the thesis statement and how to structure PPC. This is a much stronger piece of writing than I have seen in the past in many ways. Keep up the good work!

  21. 18gkwon says:

    Have you ever seen the people who have power exploit a powerless person? In the movie ‘Salaam Bombay’, you would see that moment in many times. The protagonist of this movie Krishna who has no power, house, and money exploited so sadly and unfairly. Krishna does not live in his house with his family because his mother said don’t come back until you get 500 rupees. Krishna worked really hard to earn money and go back to his house. But, it was not really easy. Though they got money, there was nothing in his pocket because he had to use all of money that he has for other. Also, he had his money stolen. He was undergoing an ordeal on account of the people who exploit Krishna.
    First of all, Baba, who has power and money, who wants to get everything that he wants was one of the people who exploit Krishna. Krishna worked that Chai(tea in India) delivery. Baba order to bring him Chai so many times and Krishna deliver it whenever Baba wants. On the other hand, he didn’t get pay all for the work done. This is very unfair and angry fact about exploitation. They gave some money for compensation of work but, it is a small quantity for the workers to live without starvation.
    Second of all, Chillum, who is a friend of Krishna cheat Krishna to get money. Chillum told Krishna to put the money that he has in the small gap between the bricks of the wall. So, Krishna put his money in there immediately when he got money and he lost it. Also, Chillum was addicted to drugs excessively. One day, Baba fired him so, he couldn’t get drugs. After stop having drugs, he started to suffer from withdrawal symptoms. Krishna was so sad because Chillum was his precious friend for him. So, he bought the drugs by all the money that he has for Chillum. Chillum always asked him for the drugs even though Krishna lost his all the money because of him.
    Lastly, Krishna exploited from the Indian society. When Krishna and Manju walking in a road after they worked in a wedding hall, a police car chased them. A police man came out from the car and he caught Krishna and Manju. Then, he found some money from Krishna that Krishna earned from a wedding hall. The police man thought Krishna stole that money and he smashed Krishna’s head with his large and plumpy hands. Also, he took away his money and he didn’t hear Krishna saying even though Krishna told him that he didn’t steal it with his tears.
    Through watching the movie ‘Salaam Bombay’, I realized how strong people exploit a weak person and how it affects for their life. Also, Krishna, who exploited from many other people, is not just the one character of the movie. We can see the people who live like Krishna all around us in India.

    • cbrown says:

      Gyuyeon, this is impressive! You are improving a great deal as a writer! I was particularly pleased with your organization and sentence structure. You have an essay that is easy to follow. The thesis is clear, the PPC solid, the introduction and conclusion logical. Your spelling, conventions, and grammar are the best I’ve seen. You use transitions between paragraphs and within sentences. I would suggest you look at the hooks of some of your classmates to see if you can think of a more compelling way to begin in the future. Super job all the way around!

  22. cbrown says:

    Sebastien, when I think to the beginning of the year and this essay, I am amazed at the progress. I hope you are most proud of your growth and effort. You are using analysis, you’ve organized your essay clearly. You’ve done research and linked the exploitation in India to its historical roots. You have many varied sentences, and careful word choice, and I love your candle analogy. You’ve ended with a “so what”, as well as analysis for each of your proofs. My suggestions include restating your thesis in different words at the beginning of the conclusion. Furthermore, I’m not clear on the point you’re making about Baba and the translator, and I’m not clear what that has to do with your thesis. There are a number of grammar errors, but they are on a variety of issues and hard to categorize. It would be a great idea to go to period 9 and work through them. Super duper well done, Sebastien!

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