Vignettes

Some interesting language from your vignettes. Let’s learn from each other:

Metaphor and description: Back in Greece, I barely got out of our incredibly minor village. It is like a little drop in the sea compared to New York. The road here seems like a long silk twine with its mighty curves and bends.

Here’s an interesting use of repetition and juxtaposed sentence structure:¬† He ran through the pouring rain in the dark morning to not be late at factory.¬† He will lose his salary.¬† He will be scolded.¬† He will be fired.

An effective use of repetition: Now his sewing machine is nothing for Viktor. Now he is nothing for America.

A lead that jumps us right into the center of the text: When Jeams Viktor was living in Russia, he always thought how to stop the growling in his stomach.

Use of dialogue in creative ways and description: “Jeg behøver ikke nogen penge!!” I lied. I truly needed money, but I couldn’t get fromVictor who, showed up in shabby clothes. All I have in my humble bag that smells like an old grandpa, is ten sprouted potatoes and some pennies which I picked up from the road.

Repetitive language to emphasize a characteristic: Confident backs, beautiful backs, tiny backs… there are many kind of backs. Sometimes I dream I have a beautiful back and a strong confident stride.

Variant sentence structures that flow well and support the ideas represented:  Now, she saw the grey doorway of the boarding house with a dusty spider web around it, and paused for a second or two. She asked herself, “If this the right choice ”. She did not bother to ask her father about the question, because himself  did not know what should happen. Feeling unsure and uncomfortable, she just wanted to be in her country right now. It was so much easier to make decision back there . Now all she knew, she was stuck with full bucket of unanswerable questions. She knew what she would see when she pushed the door. Just like what she predicted.

Captivating intro, followed by descriptions that catch me up in them and captivate my senses, interwoven with thought and emotion:  The soft look of  skate parks, up and down, left and right,no sharp corners and a slight breeze. Even though there is no smell and no feeling you can see it and hear the wheels going Shrrrr and clok, when they are in the air for a second. Back ,when I still had this life I took it for granted. I have everything in my head. When I close my eyes and look into my memories I can stand in that exact  spot and see everything, every corner ,every ramp and every drop in. We always had lots of fun, laughed  and skated until we reached our limits.

 

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